Friday, April 6, 2012

So I thought about it a little ...

Something strange happens to me every spring dear readers. A feeling overcomes me. It is the first year I have been able to figure out what is going on even though it has been happening to me for many years now. I guess I can say that it's because it is the first year that I am really paying attention. Though, I've always felt I've paid attention... A funny thing, that is ...

Every spring, I feel anxiety. A fear comes over me. A certain ... uneasiness. My stomach turns, I feel slightly dizzy... I know, it's weird right? That's what I thought too. And it's only this year that I have been able to give the feeling a name. I found it very odd. And it just kind of crept upon me, as these things tend to do. There I was siting in the sun, feeling its welcome heat on my face, lounging about and wiggling my happy, free toes, enjoying a beautiful salad with Napa lazily lounging beside me keeping one eye on an ant and one eye on her squirrel arch nemesis, and what was I feeling? Slightly uneasy. A little more than slightly, if truth be told. I couldn't believe it. 

So I thought about it a little... 

I thought and thought, gave Napa a pet and thought some more and then it hit me, as these things tend to do. It all made sense. I was the recipient of a big, old fashioned, sensory, wallop. For me, after the great hibernation of winter - where everything slows down, the sun traveling low in the sky, the light caressing soft and low, me snuggled under countless blankets with countless hot teas and tons of fatty food and the bareness and the urban sounds somewhat muffled by blankets of snow -  the sheer aliveness of spring is totally shocking. It freaks me out people. Destabilizes me. Makes me go whoa.

In spring the skies blaze and light glimmers, people swarm the streets, dust kept in check by winter's soft blanket of snow now swirls and blows all around, the smell of soil - moist and supple - permeates the air and invades your nostrils, seeds that have been waiting, dormant, literally burst out and through the dense cover of earth, birds fly back home by the hundreds in large communal v's, bugs are back buzzing and scuttling about in abundance. All at once. Everything living, breathing, bursting, moving, transforming, growing, changing, needing to be cleaned... It totally wallops me. Knocks my senses about for a bit and, makes me anxious. And another thing, one thing that I had not noticed before, is that for a little while, the moon leaves us. There is a time when it is only visible during the day here, alongside the sun, and I realize I miss the moon and her light at night... 

So that's it. All the stuff you just read. Makes me anxious. Makes me appreciate every moment. Fills me with awe.

You know, sometimes I wish I could just sit and eat a salad. You remember the salad I was eating when all this hit? I guess sometimes I can. Just not this time.

Happy Spring dear readers. And happy whatever it is that you celebrate this weekend. Enjoy it, and enjoy one another. One love.


  1. Beautiful piece Oana.

    "me snuggled under countless blankets with countless hot teas and tons of fatty food and the bareness and the urban sounds somewhat muffled by blankets of snow"

  2. Sounds like what it might be like come out of hibernation! I don't know if it's because I'm growing and tending to plants for the first time this year, but I feel this spring as though I've been appreciating the season more. I didn't realize just how alive my neighbourhood is. Things are popping up everywhere! Curly ferns, little violets. There are even butterflies darting around! Happy spring to you too, Oana!

  3. @ anonymous, thank you and thanks for commenting.

  4. Totally. Yes it makes such a difference when tending to plants. I love them. I was watching a science documentary where astronauts spend a lot of time in space and growing plants is what keeps them "human". It increases their connection with one another, makes them happy and fulfilled. So wonderful :).